After my last post, I thought perhaps the blog could use a little levity. So! Awkward Poly Moments! Warning that this may be TMI for sex, though it is funny in retrospect.
I have a tendency to lose my clothing in my apartment–if I’m feeling warm, if I’ve just had sexy times, if I’m asleep, if I’m not feeling well, whatever. We joke I’m a partial nudist. It’s not unusual (when it’s just the polycule) for me to be in nothing but underwear, or just a T-shirt and panties and socks.
Several months ago, our apartments had some electrical updates done to bring them up to code. The electricians (many many of them) came in and did lots and lots of work–our apartment was the last one of the day, and they were here for a long time, and then finally they were done.
It wasn’t until after the fact that I realized our lovely Nib calendar was up with the illustration by Erika Moen re: men in lingerie enjoying themselves, prominently displayed on our wall.
That wasn’t the awkward part.
The awkward part happened a few months later, when the electrician came back–unannounced–with the fire chief. Apparently after all that time, the fire chief had to inspect each apartment to insure that everything was up to code.
Now, I’d had some pretty spectacular sexy times that involved toys. Eren and Zyn were home. My toys were out. I was asleep post-fun on the couch, mostly naked. (I have a tendency to fall asleep post-sex.)
Eren thoughtfully covered me…but not the toys.
One of them let the fire chief and electrician–who were by then charging up the stairs–into the apartment.
My eyes opened to two strange men stretching over me to reach an outlet near the couch. I quickly closed them, pretending not to notice.
I heard, “Is she sick?”
Eren and Zyn hemmed and hawed a little.
I mean, it had to look strange–sex toys and two clothed people and a presumably-naked woman on a couch? (And if they’d looked, another partner in a Skype call on my computer.)
I kept my eyes shut.
I heard Eren pick up my toys after the chief and electrician left the room briefly, and I muttered, “Now you think of that!!”
She whispered, “Sorry!!” and shuffled them out of sight.
The chief and electrician came back, finished their work, and left without saying anything about me, my partners, or the toys.
Lessons I should’ve learned: don’t fall asleep without putting toys away; don’t trust Eren and Zyn not to let people in when I’m naked on the couch.
I’ve learned at least one of those.